It begins with WHEN
It begins with WHEN?
WHEN?
When will I hammer?
When will I have my quantum leap?
When will I clinch that opening?
When will I move up the career ladder?
When will I get the recommendation?
When will I be called for an appointment?
When will I meet the yin to my yang?
When will I finally walk down the aisle?
When will I?
That’s how it starts. You ask yourself…When?
When will this hustle pay off?
When will I see the results of the sleepless nights and deprivations I have made?
Your imaginations run wild for a while…
Then you are jerked back to the grim realities of WHEN?
WHAT?
What am I doing wrong?
Am I enough?
Have I gone off on the wrong track?
You begin to doubt yourself, your genius, your competence, capabilities, and your exertions.
You look back on your odyssey…
You think about how it started
You were tenderfoot and spirited
Filled with so much fire in the belly to change the world
You pored over every book you could find
You thought you would make your first million at 18
Everything had a promising outlook
Everyone said you were special
You were the diamond crusted boy!
The sky they said is your starting point
You gave in so much…
Then you lost it all
Your rationality,
Your ego,
Your dollars and cents,
Your lover,
Your allies,
Everything…
It just doesn’t add up…
Wasn’t it just yesterday when you were the one making things happen
Everyone looked up to you
…Or you thought everyone looked up to you
You felt you were “distinct” “peerless”…
But the coins seem to tell a different tale…
Everyone seems to have a cherry on their cake
Everyone seems to be raking in the big bucks
Everyone seems to “BLOW!”
Everyone seems to be in their “mama I made it” moment
Everyone seems to be where they want to be
Remember the dreams of those years?
Everyone seems to be living it now!
Everyone but you!
What exactly is the can of worms?
Are your village people after you?
Did you overestimate yourself?
Have you lost IT?
Will you ever be IT?
Will you ever be what/ where you want to be?
You are making conscious efforts…
You are making exertions …
You are giving it all you’ve got… or maybe not?
When will the breakthrough happen?
When will the phone call come in?
When will I get that mail?
When will she say yes?
When will I be able to say “Mama, I made it?”
When? When? When?
________
Olabode Emmanuel is an actor, writer and film/TV producer. He tweets @olabodeeo
