Is That All There Is? | A Short Story
“Is that all there is?”
“Now that you’ve had your way, what’s next?”
“I don’t understand, what do you mean?”
“Of course, you will never understand!”
“I know you don’t want to date me… you just wanted a good fuck… Now that you have what you want, what’s next?”
“Eeeerm”
“Has the cat caught your tongue?”
Tola was perplexed, He didn’t expect an emotional outburst from me
“Is that all that is to me? A quick bang? Am I that cheap? You just wanted to chop and go eh”
“You know what, fuck you!”
He tried to enclose me in a hug but I pushed him away, he was baffled. I picked up my bag and rushed out of his apartment, He was fast on my heels “Bisi Wait!!!”, he called after me but I didn’t look back. I flagged down the first available bike I spotted and left him wondering what just happened.
Are you dumbstruck? Let me tell you the full story.
Tola and I met at Social Media Week Lagos, I had followed him for a while on Twitter and enjoyed reading his tweets. He’s one of those guys people call influencers. Whatever that means. Anyways, Tola is quite the rave on Twitter, He’s got over 100,000 followers and he’s always trending for one reason or the other. He lives and breathes controversy — one of the things I relish about him. He’s the CEO/CFO of sarcasm and clap backs. I started following him three months ago when his birthday photos went viral, I was taking the weight off my feet, checking out what was trending on twitter with my borrowed MTN 100MB when I discover that everyone was talking about this hot dish. I waited till night when I had access to cheap data and went through all his posts on Instagram and Twitter. From that moment, Tola became my CONSUMING PASSION.
One Sunday evening, Tola was trending again, but this time it was for a good reason. He had been scheduled to speak at one of the sessions at SMW Lagos. A lot of folks felt he didn’t deserve to be called an influencer, talk less, being invited to share his thoughts on influencer marketing and social media trends at a big event like, SMW Lagos. I, on the other hand, saw it as an opportunity to meet him.* Winks*
On the day of the shindig, I arrived LANDMARK EVENT CENTER on the Island at exactly 7:30 am; in a bid to get a front-row seat and make it impossible for Tola or any other man on stage not to spot a hot pie like myself …. Their father!
During the session, I asked two questions, one directed at Tola and the other at someone I had no interest in. I asked Tola if he thinks throwing bants on social media qualifies as good content. His response was astounding! He explained that people express themselves differently on social media, while some come off as professionals in their field, others are there to amuse and beguile their audience. He further buttressed his point by explaining that there are too many problems in Nigeria and comic relief is welcome every now and then. According to him, “I am just living my life and freely expressing myself, something a lot of people lack because they are trying to live to please others and fit into the status quo. Let’s have fun fam, Life is too short not to!” He received a resounding standing ovation for his response. At that point, I realized that I loved this guy (he’s real, has powerful storytelling prowess, charming and interesting). I walked up to him after the session, introduced myself as a fan. He complimented me, told me I’m a really alluring fan. I flushed multiple colors. He asked for my number, I jokingly hesitated and told him I had a boyfriend and my mother had warned me about strangers, especially popular Yoruba demons like him. He smiled. I noticed his dimples. Soft on the eyes. He promised me that he wasn’t one of them. I shouldn’t let social media give me a wrong impression of him. “I’m just your regular guy next door.” He asked again for my number which I gave him. I left him with his numerous fans who were waiting at arm’s length for a picture with him. I didn’t bother to get one.
I was in an uber back home when his chat came in.
“Hello, Stranger. I just wanted to be sure it wasn’t a wrong number.”
I grinned. “Well, now that you have my real number, how may I be of service, Mr. Influencer?” I didn’t wait to get his response. I put my phone on silent mode and took a nap while I enjoyed the ride back to the Mainland.
Back home, I made sure I was in trenched in bed before I picked up my phone. Tola’s messages were on deck. He sent a picture of me he found on @SMWLAGOS official Instagram page during the session “Who’s this stunning woman?” he captioned. I told him it was an impostor, he sent me a funny smiley. I told him “I don’t dig stalkers” He didn’t seem to care about my response. He beseeched me to see a movie with him later in the evening at ICM. I repudiated but he asked again, this time he said he had strong feelings I didn’t have a boyfriend. “That’s none of your business” I retorted. Tola mentioned that he knows good women when he sees one and he thinks I’m the reason he’s been single for the past 3 years. I just sent him a LMAO smiley.
We rendezvoused around 7 pm at ICM, we watched Fast and Furious 9, and it was terrific and invigorating. We were finished at 10:00 pm. Tola asked if I’d still like to hang for a while, I gave him a probing look “Are you trying to get me locked out tonight?” I inquired, “If that is what it takes, I don’t mind throwing the dice,” he said. I laughed. This guy means business. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. “Your house is not the devils lair is it? Or would your girlfriend be at home waiting”? He was taken aback for a second. “uhmrm, No girlfriend, sis, I thought I already mentioned that…. and are you really serious about coming with me?” I acted like I was walking away from him, “I guess, it’s time for me to get a cab.” He closed the gap between us, “Heeeey! I was only joking. Come on. What kind of man wouldn’t love to host a pristine guest like you?”
Tola’s studio apartment was breathtaking, the sparse decoration and exotic furniture gave the apartment a grand demeanor. He had artistic painting hanging on one side of his wall, he also had an impressive arsenal of home appliances. He asked if I would eat anything, I declined but he insisted on treating me to his mouthwatering, finger-licking dish of Spaghetti. “Is that what you tell every woman you bring here? I asked
He smiled and swore I would enjoy it. Less than 30 minutes later Tola served me one of the most delicious Spaghetti meal I’ve ever had. Against his wishes, I cleaned up after him, he invited me to his boudoir to take a shower and informed me that everything I needed was available. I gave him a questioning look and he confessed that his younger sister visits him occasionally, “I exhaled”. From the restroom, I could hear soft music playing in the background. I strode out of the shower buck naked, unveiling my cutting edge casing. “Wow!!!” he gasped, his breathing coming in short “You don’t need to” he muttered. “Oh! So you are homo?” I asked inching closer to him. “Hell no! I — i-i-i — love women” he stuttered, errrmmm I am straightforward”. I turned off the lights from the switch on his bedside, soft kisses faded into moans and groans.
Tola kept on calling when I was on the bike but I rebuffed his calls. He sent a text “I am sorry that I did not express how I felt about you, seeing how you left made me realized how much I took you for granted, the last thing I want to do is drive you away. Can we please start over?”
I sneered, JACKPOT! Unto the next influencer!
________
Olabode Emmanuel is an actor, writer and film/TV producer. He tweets @olabodeeo
